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Thoughts From My Couch
 
The Mystery of Human Behaviour
The Mystery of Human BehaviourDuring my years of studying in the field of Psychology the emphasis was always on analysis, labelling and understanding problems. In itself that is ok; although a great part of human behaviour was completely missed out on upon.
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During my years of studying in the field of Psychology the emphasis was always on analysis, labelling and understanding problems. In itself that is ok; although a great part of human behaviour was completely missed out on upon. It was only much later in my life when studying other disciplines and especially NLP that I realised that lots of things can change without really understanding everything about the problem. The structure, patterning in the neurology and the process is much more important than the content or story.

One of the things that I find fascinating about human behaviour is how these patterns can and will repeat itself. For most people it takes quite a while to realise that their lifes often have themes repeating with different people playing the roles. Like Hamlet, Othello or Phantom of the opera, same theme, different people. I often find that it is a theme like, disappointment, rejection feelings of not being worthy or good enough and that will always manifest in a ‘distorted’ behaviour in the NOW. The weird thing is that the behaviour is usually not getting the person what is needed at a deeper level. The uncontrollable smoking, gossiping, drinking, pleasing, sarcasm, and hundreds of other behaviours are always an attempt from the unconscious to fill a ‘hole’ from childhood or some earlier stage in life. But because the wounding lies in the unconscious it lives in a timeless zone of its own, always repeating the same theme from the time and context it was imprinted. Like a ghost appearing and playing out the scene over and over. Whatever was imprinted with emotional pain or repetition at an early stage in life will keep repeating until there is more ‘information’ to complete the event/s. The moment new information is put into the system, everything changes; like telling a spirit/ghost that it is dead or other information which is needed and commanding it to move on.

The most fascinating way in which these original imprinting is repeated is in the people you will ‘draw’ into your life. The word ‘draw’ here just means that emotions have frequencies and will resonate with similar frequencies, just like a tuning fork. This is the unconscious mind’s attempt to complete the original event. The significant people in your life, especially the ones you fall in live with, will repeat the negative or incomplete patterns of your childhood carers, playing right into your ‘wounding’. These are the people ‘pushing your hot buttons’. Buttons are just hot because it is raw unhealed emotions which needs information to complete itself to disappear and move on. And the behaviour you will do will repeat the other person’s childhood carers’ painful behaviour. And then the result is blaming and conflict in an ever ongoing spiral.

A good example of this happened to me on an one day workshop recently. The lady I was working with was (through my filters) quite pushy and very ‘in my face’. On a unconscious level my filters were picking up on this because I had a sensitivity from my own parents being this controlling for most of my childhood. The behaviour I was displaying was one of withdrawal and later some anger instead of just saying what my honest needs were. This would have been the breakthrough because as a child I could not say this because of fear of anger, rejection, conflict. Of course my behaviour played right into her wounding, repeating the patterns of her father which was always criticising her and she felt that she was just never good enough, with no approval. Her behaviour of constantly talking and being pushy was just her attempt to get approval and recognition.

Needless to say that the result of course were two people feeling hurt and it lead to a communication breakdown. It was only when started to think about it afterwards that I realised how easily it can change. If I  could just said what my true honest need were. “Give me space” and she could say: “I need you tell me that I am doing it right.” The irony is that we usually or seldom do this  and we do the opposite, usually with dreadful results, getting even less what we want. In this scenario I was repeating her father’s behaviour and she my parents. Our tuning forks of unhealed frequencies were a perfect match. Bingo!  Predator and victim, vampire and throat, it is always a perfect balance. Because we both had insight afterwards we could resolve it and move on. It takes great courage in a relationship to say one’s honest and deep needs because in that moment one is very vulnerable and as a child it was never possible. If and when a partner can behold and have space for that need, it is the beginning of breaking the pattern. Relationship or marriage is just an attempt of the unconscious mind to heal incomplete pain from childhood, and that is most often quite a uncomfortable process leading to lots of conflict and breaking up of relationships. The irony is that if this awareness is not there, it will just repeat with a new person, the same theme.

Sometimes these frequencies runs quite far back in families or even generations and it is through a special technique called Time Line Techniques that these patterns can be healed in generational patterns. The next course where this is taught is from the 11-13 August. The course is for people who already are qualified in one or other form of healing modality.

For more information click here: http://www.ernestfrostnlp.co.za/training_readmore.php?id=14092010144904

To book click here:

http://www.ernestfrostnlp.co.za/booking.php?id=14092010144904

All the best till next time

Ernest

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