First position: The client in their own reality, their own map of the world. How they perceive and experience the ‘problem’/relationship and how they feel about it.
Second position: The client as the other person in the relationship. Here the client experiences the situation, and themselves, from the other person’s perspective.
Third position: This is a more objective position. The client sees the situation/relationship, themselves, and the other person, from a bit of a distance.
Before starting:
- In discussion determine who the other person in the relationship is, what that relationship is (husband, wife, mother, friend, teacher, etc) and their name.
- Check ecology – is it ok for the client to work with and deal with whatever the problem is
Calibrate throughout the exercise. Use your voice and language for rapport.
Note, Client is the client addressed by name, and Other is the name of the other person in the relationship. In this eg Other is a lady.
Process:
- Client chooses which chair will represent them, and arranges the chairs to represent the relationship. Notice the arrangement. Are they facing towards onr another or not? Next to each other, far apart?
- “We’re working with you and Other.”
- “Which chair is you?” Pointing at the other chair, “Other is then that chair.”
- “I want you to arrange the chairs so that they represent the relationship between the two of you.”
- “Take your seat.” Client is now in 1st position.
- The problem and other person are brought in. Ensure sufficient detail is given to the other person, and also that the client is feeling safe and comfortable to continue.
- “You’re having some problems with Other.”
- “I’m going to ask you to invite Other’s energy into the room. Go inside and ask your highest self if it’s okay to work with them.” Calibrate!
- Gesture towards ‘door’. “Invite Other in.” “See the way she is dressed.”
- “Allow her to come in.” “Welcome her.” “Invite her to site down.” Have a slight gap between each of these.
- NB!!! “Are you comfortable sitting there with no glass between you?” Calibrate!
- Client associates into problem and talks… Give them reassurance to speak in the ‘presence’ of Other if needed. Ask questions and paraphrase. Ensure that they are associated and also that they say what they need to say. It’s very important to calibrate and take notes at this stage. You want to be using their words back at them, and asking open questions that will involve as many senses as possible, and get the right amount of detail. Position yourself so that you can see as much of their face as possible. You are interested in everything – how they say what they say, words, voice, physiology, feelings… Continue until client has let it all out.
- “Say what you really don’t like.” “Other cannot hear you.” “Let it all out.”
- Examples of other questions to ask:
- “What happens to you?”
- “What do you feel?”
- “What’s that like?”
- “What’s happening to your body right now?”
- Ask client to stand up, in effect breaking state.
- Look at second chair, gesture towards it and say “How does it feel to say these things, to let them out?”
- Client is going to be asked to go into 2nd position. Give a brief explanation before they sit in the Other chair.
- “Look at Other, we’re going to ask you to become her, see what she sees, and hear what she hears.”
- “I’m going to speak to you as her looking at you.”
- Once Client is sitting in Other’s chair, help them to ‘become’ Other. Client should associate into being Other as fully as possible
- “Sit like Other sits.” “Hold your body like Other holds their body.” etc
- “What can Other see?”
- As they associate more fully into being Other, ask them about themselves, addressing them as Other. Paraphrase and feedback their words, and calibrate.
- “Is there anything else you’d like us to know?”
- Now guide their (Other’s) attention to the chair representing Client, and speaking as if they see Client in the chair, engage in conversation about the relationship. You are going to ask questions that will give Other’s experience/perceptions of the realtionship (as understood by Client). Use open questions and calibrate carefully. Be aware that they may have a very different experience. Ask them if there is anything they want to share.
- While Client is still in 2nd position as Other, sit in Client chair and tell them what Client experiences. Use details as noted earlier. Important, you are telling them how Client feels etc, no ‘finger pointing’.
- Stand up and ask Other about what was just said and get their input. Then ask this type of question, assisting by suggesting if need be.
- “What would you like to say to Client?”
- “What are your real feelings for Client?”
- Use Other’s name when addressing her in order to strengthen and maintain association. When Other has said what they need to say, thank them for being here and for assisting.
- Break state – get Client to stand up and move around a bit.
- Next client needs to choose their 3rd position. Explain choices, and work with whichever is more comfortable for the client. Obviously there will be subtle differences in how you proceed, depending on their choice.
- Either a third person they know , who they admire, love, value their thinking,…. (Ensure the choice is suitable for the context)
- Or “Imagine you’re beyond this life and looking back…”
- 3rd position stand a bit away from the chairs. In this position (for a beyond life choice – establish that 3rdposition is a resourceful position.)
- “Zoom in on Client there, notice that ………(problem). From this great view you have wisdom (Resources). Notice what you notice now is happening there now that it is all past.” “See Client’s whole life, and how does that look now?”
- Identify resources.
- “Her there as you look from beyond life…. What does she need there that will help her?”
- Start associating resources
- Now that you look back, how does it feel that you know this now? Connect this feeling (resource identified abouve) as a spirit being, breathe it in….”
- “How would you feel if we give Client there enough of this, just enough…” (NB, calibrate all the time – this question is also a type of ecology check)
- Walk with client until they are standing next to 1st position, next to Client chair.
- “Client won’t be able to see you or hear you.” “In whatever way is right for you as a spirit being, I want you to emanate this energy to her…..so you know she is getting the message.”
- “Feel what it feels like on Earth again, with this feeling now of ….(resource identified).
- Guide them back into 1st position. Associate fully into resources.
- “The chair is filled with the energy of (resourceful state). Feel in all of your body, all of your baing and even beyond.”
- Suggest that the other person may look different now, that life may be different…
- Future pace. Ensure resources are there, and cement in.
- “How can you in future (Possibilities for future, eg feel more included – relates to original problem)?”
- You can also help them create an anchor while they are in the resourceful state. Eg
- “How can you create a reminder for future… Words you can say to yourself…”
- Ensure that they are back with you, and ask them if they would like to rearrange the chairs. Calibrate.
You can also use 4th position, the space/energy between 1st and 2nd.